A broken, sorrowful past

1 cor 5:16-18 nasv

16 Therefore from now on we recognize no one according to the flesh; even though we have known Christ according to the flesh, yet now we know Him in this way no longer. 17
Therefore if anyone is in Christ, he is a new creature; the old things passed away; behold, new things have come. 18 Now all these things are from God, who reconciled us to Himself through Christ...

1 Chron 4:9-10 esv
9 Jabez (pain) was more honorable than his brothers; and his mother called his name Jabez, saying, “Because I bore him in pain.” [1] 10 Jabez called upon the God of Israel, saying, “Oh that you would bless me and enlarge my border, and that your hand might be with me, and that you would keep me from harm (evil)[2] so that it might not bring me pain!” And God granted what he asked.

Joel 2:25 esv
25 I will restore to you the years
that the swarming locust has eaten,
the hopper, the destroyer, and the cutter,
my great army, which I sent among you.

Spent the night thinking about the past, in part in sorrowful rememberence. Felt a distinct challenge to my soul(not of the God-kind). The challenge goes along the lines of -'look there, these people are happy, blessed by God and fulfilled. What do you have, you came from a life of pain, a life of shame. What is God doing now in your situation? Since you have believed in Him, where is the fulfillment of His promise? What do you have? Others have suffered for Christ, the suffering you have suffered are they not altogether your own foolishness, your own doing?' In short it is a challenge to relax my hold of faith in God and succumb to envy, impatient frustration, to have sorrow with myself, and turn to unbelief and disilusionment with God.

I am encouraged by the first passage that My past is dead, gone, destroyed in Christ. My life is so interwined with the risen glorified Savior that everyday is a new beginning for me. I am a new beginning in Christ.

I am thankful for these challenges for they only make me cling to my Savior even more, to trust Him that He is able to redeem my life from the dunghill and put me on a throne, place my feet in a broad place, take me to a fair land of milk and honey and strengthen me to fight the enemies that guard and surround that land.

It is true that I do not have anything to be proud about. Many years have been wasted in sorrow. I have seen more sorrowful years than I have seen years of joy and fulfillment. But that will not kill my hope in God! 'Blessed are the poor in Spirit, for theirs is the Kingdom of heaven.' It amazes me that God would choose me to be His child and give me entrance and bestow His kingdom on me. Indeed all I have to offer him is this poor life, which as my enemy rightly pointed out: is a life only of shame, a life that is without honour. Indeed I am last, but in God's topsy turvy kingdom I may yet emerge first!

1 Cor 1: 26-3 esv

26 For consider your calling, brothers: not many of you were wise according to worldly standards, [2] not many were powerful, not many were of noble birth. 27 But God chose what is foolish in the world to shame the wise; God chose what is weak in the world to shame the strong; 28 God chose what is low and despised in the world, even things that are not, to bring to nothing things that are, 29 so that no human being [3] might boast in the presence of God. 30 And because of him [4] you are in Christ Jesus, who became to us wisdom from God, righteousness and sanctification and redemption, 31 so that, as it is written, “Let the one who boasts, boast in the Lord.”

O God, restore all the years that the locusts have eaten, I wait in patient, enduring, sometimes painful trust to continue to hope that You will fulfill Your own promise: that you will restore the years of waste and pain, and you will prosper us and keep us from evil and pain and do a full restoration with this broken life. No devil, I will not deny my experience in my life, indeed the past has all contributed to who I am today. But the past is broken, gone, dead and a new hope and redemption dawns for me in Christ, as i offer up this broken life to Him. I will hold on to Him until i experience fully His full redemption and restoration for my life.