how to manage your boss article on bnet

http://www.bnet.com/article/how-to-manage-your-boss/57287

Faith

Help me to remember that faith is of primary importance, let me fight the good fight of faith, help me do all i can to nourish faith, let me exercise faith until it becomes a natural part of my personality and character to believe in You and Your promise.

Let me not be afraid of anything or anyone.

Disciple me

Diciple me, teach me, lead me, as You did when You were on earth, with Your men.

Earth and Water

You are earth I am water,
You always do the responsible thing
I always went wherever i wished,

I flow I adapt I bend to the circumstance
You stand like a rock stubborn and strong

Sometimes i carry you away and melt you into tears
Sometimes you avalance into me, stopping my dreams.

You are the land, a river bank, I am the river
You channel me in a good direction,
You make me strighter and stronger,
Through the years I cut into you, shaping you hopefully for the better.

Always giving, you show me what i have to really give,
Like a river i want my love to flow over you to nourish you.
Like the earth you make me steady and wise
Like a river I want to take your hand into the path of the shining light.

We laugh together, basking in the dawn of day.
May the coming days reveal a place of happiness for
Earth and river ,
A place of rest, a place of laughter.

a crying broken heart in the middle of the night

Today i was awakened by the sound of soft sobbing by my wife, who couldn't sleep. I put my hand on her face to stroke her, She turned to me and said 'sometimes i long for my mum's love, but i realise that the love that i want cannot be found in her' - broke my heart. silently prayed that Jesus would show His own great love to her and heal her fully of her broken heart as He has healed mine.

Goals

1) To see His redemtion power fully unfold in our lives through the agency of the cross His ultimate sacrifice.

2) To fully realize His all sufficient grace in present circumstances.

3) To increase in faith, Lord increase my faith!

4) To prioritize personal prayer (whilst not neglecting other duties) to understand the depths of His spirit and Heart.

5) To 'put on' appropriate the person of Christ daily to be changed into His image.

6) To be cleansed in body and Spirit, to live to please Him.

7) To obtain by faith in His promises a full healing for my wife and see His plans unfold for our lives,

8) To see His joy fill our lives, as He is working for His own joy over us.

Personal Lessons in Leadership / Group dynamics

#1 No need to dominate discussions, leave space and time for all to shine, direct attention to those who have less time and airspace

#2 Timing of key contributions are more essential for discussion enhancement and clarification on errors

#3 Be concious of key goals of letting everyone shine, role of a catalyst as a discussion enhancer and spirit of service

Insecurity

Suffering from drastic insecurities - dont have a sense of myself, i lack the belief that that i am fundementally alright, think i still see my flaws and faults far too easily. my strengths seem small, as though looking from a far distance. And there's this sense of 'there is something wrong with me' (a pattern of internallized harsh self criticism).

I am not comfortable with myself and feel this tremendous push to prove myself. (to whom and for what? to those around me and for a sense of worth). I know i will not be happy even if i did 'prove myself' to be better, stronger and smarter than those around me because that falls short of humility and attitude of service which i want as an a personal ethic.

Doesn't help that everyone around seems so accomplished. Confidence is slowly approaching crisis. Must remember not to judge by outward appearances.

I am not comfortable with myself - my flaws and my strengths with my sins and my gifts i am not comfortable being me and knowing that i am loved but i want to be.

Dante's Inferno

Classic text on hell and heaven: Dante's inferno

http://www.fullbooks.com/Dante-s-Inferno.html

Managment skills - non verbal communications

http://www.bizmove.com/skills.htm -

Good website on business/management related non-verbal communications skills

http://www.bizmove.com/skills/m8n3.htm

Interview job search skills

Justice, Law, Sin and Righteousness

Singapore was once a wasteland, without law - one man's vision turned the wasteland and created the saftey we enjoy today. Lee Kwan Yew went to London, saw a stack of newspapers unattended, lying next to an open streetside, he was astounded that people did not take them for themselves but actually paid money before taking them. He envisioned a Singapore where this was to be so, and worked to create that reality. Singapore was a place where violence and triads ruled at the time. the saftey of our homeland is in no small part owning to the severe laws that our land has against murder, theft, violence, drug trafficking etc. The rule of law in a society makes life bearable and defends and protects all that is good in life.

The original spirit and intent of the law in society is for the defence of the poor, children and the uneducated, the weak, all minorities that have no strength and no voice. It acts as a shield against violations, to protect life and make it grow. God's law in Exodus states many written laws (statutes) that protect the weak against violations - laws protecting the rights of the stranger (foreigner, minority) the orphan, the widow. The Law protects weaker individuals from violations from stronger individuals. The law teaches that to murder is sin because man is created in the image of God. this gives society the foundations to live with dignity.

Without the rule of law, the individual has no rights and consequently no recourse against injustice. when you are stolen from, how can you say 'stealing is wrong and you will be brought to justice', apart from pointing to a plain and objective written code that states clearly that stealing is wrong and will be punished. The severity of the punishment met out then creates order, a pattern in which people learn to fear, if they do not love doing what is right, they will fear the punishment which comes from doing that which is wrong. that creates predictable behaviors that allows society to function. without law, there can be no Justice, logically it flows that there can be no life.

The whole basis of the law is founded on the teaching of what is right and wrong in human nature. The law is clear and by no means fuzzy and provides lazer sharp definitions of that which is good behavior (graces and virtues) and that which is sin (evil and hateful)in mankind. there must be an absolute standard of what is right (righteousness) and that which is sin for mankind to be educated to love the good and hate evil. that is the original intent and spirit of the law which the Apostle Paul says is 'holy, just and good' (romans 7) which ultimately reflects God's holy just and absolute character. God is good (white) sin is hateful and wrong (black) these things are clear in God's word. Sin takes after the character of Satan and (righteousness (which includes right doing) takes after the character of God. Sin ultimately is the rebellion against the character of God's goodness, rejecting Him and rebelling against him to go our own way. The flesh is ultimately corrupt and rejects God's law, the flesh argues that what I feel is right, there is no absolute truth or absolute standard that can hold me accountable. The flesh recoils at the thought of admitting itself evil and wrong. The flesh is ultimately prideful and doees not want to submit unto God's ways and His absolute truth.

The law utimately brings us guilty (Romans 1-3) to Christ for forgiveness that no one can say anything before the perfect law as all are found guilty and all must be forgiven.

Judgement is a brother to the Law, and like the Law proceeds from God, it is an expression of His holiness. God does not tolerate Sin. Sin, unrepented sin in the presence of the Holy God produces only death and judgement that proceeds from His throne. God is absolutely just and Holy. however the word also teaches that He is also great in lovingkindness and grace.grace also proceeds from God's throne. it is no less Holy than the Law and leads us to change, to repent and admit that we are wrong. without grace, man can never have a leagal basis to have a relationship with God. and without that relationsihip man can never do right. 1) because he has no power to do so 2) because the law only activates flesh in a man and reveals the sinfulness of sin (taken from romans again. Only in knowing the preciousness and power of grace can a man become Godly, holy and please God.

Priorities

"Dispatch the most important tasks first" - because time has that aweful way of slipping through our fingers.

often find myself in that position where time is not on my side because i failed to get it on my side when i still could. be prepared and carpe diem!

the fight

God i want to fight your battles, bring my character in line and give me strength and the weapons of your warfare to win your victories in my life.

The power to do right

'The power to do (right) I do not find' -Paul in Romans 7:

There is no power to do good, to be right to be Holy apart from Christ Himself, which is found in communion with Him and in the Holy Spirit which He provides in this communion.

The flesh is such a heavy powerful, pervading default way of living, nothing can free us of its influence except Christ and the good habits of character formed by God's grace, habits formed in communion, in habitual reliance on Christ and the holy spirit.

burdens

sometimes feel like the call and duty to love my wife is far greater a burden than i can humanly bear and i will shatter under the weight of this.

Vulnerability

I need to make a concious effort not to appear to be something or someone that Im'm not. to be stronger, more appealing, more intelligent, more ______.

In a world that cares very much about superficial appearances,

I need to dedicate myself to

1) aggressively renounce the value system of valuing appearances and go underneath the surface of appearances to dig out the reality,

2) not care about people's opinions be the honest and true to the person and truth God has created me to be.

Hopes and needs that I have but sometimes have to go without

Desires that I feel I need to live and not just exist

1) desire to connect with people

2) desire to help people

3) desire to use and develop my strengths and gifts

Present struggles

I have to resist the temptation:

1) of being angry at God for creating me with these strengths and weaknesses and placing me in my job.

2) to feel sorry for myself.

3) to doubt God's plans for my life.

4) to doubt and belittle myself and the abilities God has given me.

5) to feel alone and not build up relationships around me.

6) to neglect my growth of my person and strengths because of the above.

7) to grow so dissapointed with life that i cease to move forward.

The Danger of Pedestals

Chapter 3: The Danger of Pedestals
MARK BROUWER
I know from experience that pedestals are dangerous. People come into the church with a powerful mixture of expectations and illusions about what an uber-spiritual person should be, and assume the pastor will embody that. This is a problem when we let them down—when they see how we fall short of the ideal that they created in their minds.

But maybe an even bigger problem is when they don’t see our flaws because they don’t want to see our flaws, and we get too good at hiding them. Most of the people in our churches want to see us in a good light, because this affirms their faith…the leader of their spiritual community can serve to validate the power of that faith.

In spite of whatever we might say about honesty and authenticity in relationships, this idealization creates an opportunity—and a motive—to appear holy. And because we are human, the only way to appear holy is by hiding parts of ourselves and becoming ever more isolated. It might seem to be a good thing…they get to have their faith encouraged by this example of a person who’s pretty “together,” and we receive higher esteem from others than we really deserve.

But this all comes at a price. When people who’ve idealized their spiritual leaders are forced to face their less-than-savory humanity, they are often disillusioned and angry. Somehow they expected us to “be better than that.” So reactions to perceived slights, and evidences of imperfections can often be magnified, because people cling to their hope that their leader will not be struggling with the things that other people are struggling with.

But even more dangerous is what the pedestal does to the soul of the leader. The leader who is dehumanized in this way is trapped by the expectations of other people. The leader must keep his or her personal struggles and foibles hidden. This creates unbearable tension and fear for many leaders. “What would happen if people in my church found out that I was struggling with ______________?”

So pastors don’t get help. They may try to live in denial, and minimize how serious their problems are. They live in isolation, and the shame and fear escalates.

The reverse side of the problem of pedestals is that for some pastors it tends to reinforce the tendencies of narcissism, pride, and judgementalism. The less in touch I am with my own faults, the more spiritually superior I feel. No one is really in a position to challenge most pastors about their behavior or attitudes, because they don’t let people close enough to them. They hide behind the cloak of spiritual authority, and thus stay stuck in blindness to their true condition. When you add the fact that hundreds or thousands of people are listening to the pastor speak God’s truth to them each week, you have a dangerous mix. As someone said, this is like “pouring Miracle Grow on one’s character flaws.”

What is the answer?
Humanity. Let the leader be human.

A meditation from the recovery book Today has this to say about pedestals:

Sometimes we expect far too much of the people around us, and because no one can ever live up to those expectations, we are almost always disappointed. But wouldn’t it be better if we just let go, and let people be who they are? Then we’d be able to see them as they are – with all their beauty and goodness in which we take joy, and with all their faults, which we can also see in ourselves.

When we have put someone up on a pedestal, sculpturing them to fit our needs and desires by smoothing out the rough edges and creating new curves here and there, we cannot see the real person underneath our work. All we see is the illusion we have created. That is denying the person’s real identity and is disrespectful. It’s much better for our friends and for ourselves if we drop our expectations and illusions, and accept them all just the way they are.1

I may not choose to tell the congregation everything about my struggles—especially my sexual struggles—but I must have some people with whom I am fully honest. I must guard against the pedestal syndrome. It only serves to isolate us further.

Getting off the pedestal
I served as a pastor for 15 years, working as a church planter and senior pastor of two churches. I tried to establish these churches as safe communities—places where people could be honest about their struggles. The sad irony is that all the time I was working to create a safe place for others, I was unable to be honest about my own struggles with pornography. When I initially sought help for my struggles, I was absolutely paranoid that someone from my church might find out about it.

I made a secret bargain with God. I promised God that I would work on my “lust problem,” and asked for His help to heal me…as long as we could just keep it between us. I wanted God to fix me, but I didn’t want the struggle—or the process of being fixed—to impact my ministry.

Over the years, the disconnect between the message I was preaching and the way I was living got harder to deal with. I remember it coming to a head when a young woman asked for prayer after a church service, because she had just discovered her husband’s stash of pornography. Later that week, the three of us met to talk about this. Here I was, trying to help them deal with his pornography problem, when I was struggling to deal with it myself. I wanted to talk about my own experience, and share the things I was learning and struggling with. Instead, I kept a safe pastoral distance and gave them the usual lines about accountability and praying for victory. When they left I hated myself for being such a hypocrite.

Around that same time, things came to a head in my marriage, as my wife got more in touch with her anger and unwillingness to put up with a husband who was not staying sexually “sober.” I wound up taking a leave of absence after telling people in the church that I was struggling with pornography. Because things were going so well in the church, and we were moving into a big building project, it was the absolute worst time to take a leave of absence. I felt I needed to give some explanation for why I needed the leave. If I didn’t, there would be wild speculation. And I didn’t want to lie about it and cover up the treatment I was seeking for addiction.

It was a huge step to take, and it fundamentally altered the course of my life and ministry. When I came back from my leave of absence, it was clear that it would not work for me to continue as the senior pastor in the church. I left my role, and eventually found my way into a ministry that works with sexual addiction. Now I am teaching, writing, and coaching people in this area as my full-time ministry.

If I had to make the decision all over again, I would do the very same thing. I would go public, take the leave of absence, and deal with whatever fallout there would be. At the same time, I also firmly believe that most pastors who want to recover from sexual struggles do not need to go public like I did, and in fact probably should not go public. Going public creates challenges that make recovery harder.

The exception to this principle is the pastor who tries to recover without people in his church knowing, but keeps on struggling. If you are genuinely and diligently working a plan of recovery while in the ministry, and you can’t stay sober, you may need to do something more drastic. Your ministry role might be part of the problem.

We like the pedestal too much
For most pastors, what makes ministry such an obstacle to recovery is this issue of being on the pedestal. Many of us like it too much. Many of us get so attached to having people look up to us that we have a hard time facing ourselves honestly. And if there’s one thing we need to do in recovery, it is to face ourselves honestly. We have to get honest about our resentments. We have to get honest about what we are looking for, and what we are actually doing with our sexual behaviors. We have to get honest about how deceitful we have been. We have to get honest about how unsatisfied we are in our marriage. And we have to get honest about how lonely we are.

If that’s not enough, we also have to be vulnerable. We have to get off the pedestal. Being on a pedestal creates a mindset where we are reaching down to help all those poor, needy people around us. But sometimes we are one of those needy people that need help from other people. As pastors we are good at helping others, and we are awful at letting others help us.

After my problem with pornography became public in our church, a number of people did things to reach out to my wife and me. They wrote letters, made calls, and some even brought meals to my wife when I was away at a workshop. I had conversations with guys in the church who would earnestly ask me, “How are you doing?” I was the one who was supposed to be asking them that question! On one hand it was great to get this kind of support, but on the other, it was really uncomfortable. I didn’t know how to be on the receiving end of people’s care.

Support groups have been an important part of my recovery. I have struggled with the same dynamic in these groups: it’s easy for me to take the lead and help other people, but sometimes I am the messed up one who needs help. For a long time I would censor myself when I would speak up in our group meetings. I wouldn’t say what I was really feeling if I thought it was too disjointed, or might seem selfish or petty. I had to face the fact that I was censoring myself because I was still trying to be on that pedestal. I wanted the guys in my group to like me and respect me, and I was afraid they wouldn’t if they knew how messed up and small-hearted I am.

Now I see things differently. I realize that both things can be true of me: I can be helpful and I can also be needy. I can be funny and happy, but I can also be pathetic and self-absorbed. I can be all those things and still be loved. Instead of having people look up to me, I can have them walk beside me. Instead of people I reach out to—from the vantage point of how “together” I am—I now have fellow-strugglers with whom I share the journey.

Amazing.

____________
1Emotions Anonymous, Today (Hazelden Publishing, 1989).

good honest article from:
http://www.covenanteyes.com/pastorhelp/chapter-3-the-danger-of-pedestals/

W. A.

Im wasting away. I need to forcefully arrest my condition before it gets any worse than it already is.